Relationship

Why do some men need to put their wives down?

Posted by John Anumba

Whatever the romantic relationship, there are bound to be ups and downs. This is normal, the couple can not always be resistant to the difficulties of daily life. 

And this often results in a tense atmosphere and arguments. However, that does not mean that love dissipates. 

On the contrary, he sits in the center of the storm and protects the couple against the excess of anger, violence and humiliation that certain situations can cause.

However, there are some dysfunctional couples where love is not enough to maintain mutual respect. At this point, one of the two takes over his partner and becomes toxic

His behavior can seriously affect the other. It can come from both sides, but in this article, we are going to ask ourselves why a man belittles his wife.

Why a man belittles his wife: possible psychological causes.

There is no rational explanation, no excuse that can explain why a man belittles his wife. 

We can simply confine ourselves to trying to understand the reasons for such behavior. 

In this sense, it is important to emphasize that men who belittle their wives very often behave in a similar way with everyone around them. 

This is what puts us on the trail of two possible psychological profiles.

He’s a narcissist.

Why does a man demean his wife? Well, first answer to your question: because he’s a narcissist. In popular language, the narcissist is often confused with the egocentric. 

Please note, these two concepts are linked but different.

Someone who is egocentric brings everything back to himself. He thinks only of himself, he’s a selfish person

On the other hand, a narcissist constantly needs to be admired, he despises the feelings of others and does not hesitate to belittle them in order to feel superior. 

Finally, the egocentric spends his time staring at himself, but he doesn’t hurt a fly. 

On the contrary, the narcissist spends his time denigrating others in order to better admire himself.

To recognize a narcissist, it’s pretty straightforward. Listening to them talk, we often want to ask them what they do in a company, since they are so perfect. 

Indeed his people are always right, they hate criticism and even more advice. 

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They are haughty and take pleasure in humiliating others.

Of course, there are, so to speak, several degrees of narcissism. There is the slightly insufferable narcissist, who manages to control himself most of the time. 

And then the narcissistic pervert, who needs to see a specialist because it is a psychological illness.

He lacks self-confidence.

I’m not telling you anything: we are very often the reflection of our executioners. It is a defense mechanism used by many people and especially by those who lack self-confidence.

We agree, we all lack self-confidence. We have all experienced situations in which we feel less strong than others. The feeling of inferiority is normally no stranger to anyone. Many experience it during their childhood in school, in their families, but it can continue in the circle of friends, and then at work.

Some will bow their backs for the rest of their lives. Others will try to improve their personal image in any way. And then there are those who will lower others lower than them to feel superior. This does not mean that they have better self-esteem, however they are sure that it will always be higher than that of those around him. In this case, you.

Why a man belittles his wife: take stock.

But in the question “why does a man demean his wife?” there are indeed two aspects to take into account. There is your spouse, but there is you too. It is important that you accept your share of responsibility in your relationship.

It doesn’t mean it’s your fault or that you deserve it. Far from it, since no one deserves to be put down. Not even the one who denigrates others. However, toxic people rarely choose their victim at random. There is always some sort of repeating pattern and in this case there are two options.

The first is that you too suffer from a lack of confidence. But unlike your companion, you do not belittle those around you. Either because it’s not in your nature, or because your lack of confidence isn’t your dominant trait. Maybe you are simply insecure or easily influenced. These characteristics are often found in people who allow themselves to be disparaged.

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The other explanation can be emotional addiction. You may be totally in his grip and the love you have for him makes it difficult for you to see clearly who your mate is. Or worse, do you realize what he’s doing to you, but you just can’t seem to get away from him.

Regardless, men rarely belittle women who could stand up to them. Moreover, they do not start a relationship with a woman with a strong character.

The man who belittles his wife, should we leave him?

If you make the move to ask yourself why a man belittles his wife, it may be because you are thinking about separation. Of course, if this relationship is important to you, it’s okay to be a difficult choice. Even if your partner does not treat you the way you would like them to, you can feel a lot of love for them. And if you’ve started a family together, it’s all the more difficult to come to terms with separation.

Analyze the situation as objectively as possible.

However, for your own sake, it is important that you analyze the situation. If your mate puts you down, disrespects you, or humiliates youyou can’t just go on and on. But to make the right decision, you need to be sure you understand what is going on.

First of all, find out if your partner has always been like this since you have known him. If not, think about when it all started to get worse. Is there any link to a particular event ? It could be the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, an illness, a move or the departure of your children. Then try to find out if there is a particular subject that your partner consistently belittles you about. Are there moments of tenderness? Does he alternate between kindness and meanness with no apparent explanation?

Here, the idea is obviously not to seek excuses for him. We all have our share of misfortunes and this does not mean that we offload ourselves on others. But it is important to understand the situation, in order to move on to the second phase of your decision-making.

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Is he in denial?

Once you have all the elements in hand, you will have to confront him. Just tell him the facts. It is not a question of attacking it, nor of provoking it. Besides, it is not advisable to settle accounts while you are arguing. Pick a time when your partner seems ready to chat. And talk to him. Tell him you’ve noticed such and such a change. That his behavior towards you is sometimes hurtful, especially in such and such a situation.

Try to stay calm as much as possible. It won’t be easy, but you absolutely must avoid getting angry or on the contrary, breaking down. If your companion detects a strong emotion, he could take the opportunity to explode in turn.

The point of your conversation is not to let off steam. Your goal is to find out whether or not your companion is aware of his behavior towards you. And if he is aware of it, if he is ready to make efforts to improve himself. In which case you can consider therapy, for him or for both of you. If your partner is in denial, you will have to accept that there is little chance that the situation will change. And at that point it’s up to you whether or not you want to continue like this.

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