Many years ago, an acquaintance of mine got engaged to a young woman for five years, but the time was never right to take the plunge and marry her.
Then one day, he ran into another woman in the street, by chance. Within five months, he married this person.
When love and passion enter the equation, there is a certain sense of immediacy and heightened emotion that may or may not lead to a commitment.
In my friend’s case, he was committed to making a commitment, but not to marrying.
However, when he was emotionally ready and genuinely in love, he had no problem making it through.
Timing is crucial if your relationship is serious. When a man is ready to make a commitment, he has made the decision beforehand to invest himself mentally in your relationship.
He wants to be with you night and day and share the deepest parts of himself – especially his private thoughts and goals for the future.
If your man is serious, he will be available and find a myriad of ways to communicate with you. You will become his referent: the person he most wants to be with, with whom he can let go and be himself.
If he’s really yours, your man will tell you. He will tell you that he loves you and will show you, with simple gestures of affection, how important you are in his life.
If he has to move away from you, for work or family obligations, he will not only tell you, but he will let you know how he can be contacted in an emergency.
And you have no reason to worry
Otherwise, it’s a safe bet that he does not want to commit.
What are the signs that he’s not ready to fully embark on your relationship? And whether or not to insist and try to change his mind.
This is what we will try to determine together in this article.
Signs that he doesn’t want to engage
When a man isn’t ready to make a commitment, there’s a good chance he’ll tell you so clearly, usually early in your relationship.
Sometimes he will do it more or less directly. But it happens very often that he does not declare himself so openly.
Mainly because he has not admitted to himself that he is ready to dedicate himself to your relationship.
But also sometimes because he wants to take advantage of the advantages that the situation gives him without having to pay a heavy price.
Here are the unmistakable signs that you need to watch out for:
- If your man does not share with you who he is : what he likes and what he does not like, as well as his wounds and his successes. It means he’s not ready to build something serious with you and wants to keep you at bay. He communicates to you in this way that you do not mean enough in his eyes.
- If he does not introduce you to his relatives (parents, friends, children from a previous relationship): many men will not make the introductions with the people who are dear to him without having the conviction that they have met the person that will be a part of their life forever.
- If your man refuses to tell you where he’s dating and with whom, then you have a problem. If the person you’re dating needs to be alone and have certain experiences (especially the most important ones) without you, they don’t want to be bonded with you. If he tells you he’s going on vacation to think about your relationship, you can be pretty sure he’s going to cheat on you. He is implicitly telling you that your relationship is not important, and neither are you.
- If your partner lets go of your hand in public , does not suggest a date in public places, but suggests instead to have dinner at his or her house… He sends you the signal that he does not want to be seen with you. You can always find good reasons why he prefers the privacy of his apartment. May if you listen to your inner voice, you will know that he doesn’t love you enough to flaunt himself with you. If not, then you are definitely in denial.
Questions to ask yourself to determine if he can change his mind
There are three more questions you need to answer to determine if your partner just has a small blockage that will be easy for them to get past.
Have you had enough time to build your relationship
The time you spent as a couple should be taken into account in deciding if you are ready for marriage, or to settle down together. The truth is, there are things that only time spent together can reveal.
While this is obviously not an absolute, romantic relationship specialists say it only takes three months to identify one’s partner’s behavior patterns.
That being said, the more time you spend together, the more opportunity you will give yourself to reveal your true self.
Difficulties (such as a death in your family, problems at work), travel and vacations with friends will help you better understand who you want to share your life with, and vice versa.
Did your relationship start on purpose?
You can date for five years and even live with someone without really knowing if they are right for you, if you don’t make the intentional decision to share your life with them. Intentionally dating means openly discussing your desire for commitment, getting to know the other person as a potential life partner, and discussing what a lasting and fulfilling relationship means to you.
Asking the right questions allows you to initiate meaningful and revealing conversations with your partner and to judge their personality based on your compatibility, relationship skills, friends and family patterns. Things that should tell you what you need to know about a potential life partner.
If you haven’t been dating him on purpose (or it’s only been a year or less), it’s okay for him to need more time before making a serious commitment. If that’s why he wants to continue dating you more casually, a little patience and effort is still the best approach.
Does he have good reason to ask you to wait?
If he wishes to wait before committing more seriously to you (by marrying you or living with you), ask yourself what are the legitimate reasons that keep your relationship in limbo? Depending on your current situation (sentimental, financial), this new stage may not be possible at a given moment. The important thing is that you fix and agree on a timetable. Make your desire for engagement an ongoing topic, without putting too much pressure on her shoulders. However, this shouldn’t be a taboo, and it’s important that you keep talking about it together.
Is there hope?
Sometimes there is hope. Indeed, it is difficult for some men to talk about love, to talk about their relationship or to project themselves into the future.
But at the same time, he can really take care of you and love you with all his heart.
Therefore, it will only be his fear of commitment that will prevent him from forming a stronger bond between you, and cause him to maintain a distance that gives him a sense of security and control.
In fact, he may even initiate an argument after a moment of intense intimacy (such as having sex) to overcome his own vulnerability and restore his individuality.
Do not give up all hope too quickly, because with a lot of patience, and a keen sense of listening, you can overcome its barriers.
On the other hand, it is also important to listen and believe what a man chooses to show you about him. Indeed, there are also men who will immediately tell you that they don’t want to get involved.
Of course, many women think they can change them, so you can easily persuade yourself to ignore her words.
You can also trust the adage that ” If a man tells you he’s not interested in you, believe him.” And if you don’t, it’s at your own risk, as people have different needs and projections.
Don’t doubt this man – he may be thinking about getting closer to someone in the future, but it just isn’t you.
In conclusion, if someone loves you, they will want to be with you, invest in your relationship and show you to everyone they care about.
So be honest with yourself and listen to your inner voice. This will allow you to flourish in your romantic relationships and find the right man for you.