Fear of commitment: how to react to help your relationship

Posted by John Anumba

Unfortunately, not all stories are always rosy, and for a variety of reasons, you might end up with someone who suffers from fear of commitment. 

But how to react so that this fear of commitment does not come to end your story?

You will need to take the time to listen and understand this person, to find personalized solutions that will allow you to respond to them.

Possible causes of fear of commitment

Fear of commitment is more than common in relationships. It can take a heavy toll on how a love story unfolds, although often times when a person is afraid of commitment, that doesn’t mean they aren’t having feelings. It is often more complex than that.

This fear of commitment can be linked to the following causes:

Fear of commitment: how to react to help your relationship

A recent break

In many cases, if a person isn’t ready to commit to a new story, it may be because they’ve just come out of a breakup. It’s a timing issue. 

That doesn’t have to mean that she doesn’t like you, and that this is a dressing up relationship, her feelings can be genuine about you.

However, this person may need time to mourn their past history. Before leaving on a new story with you, she must make sure that she no longer feels anything for this ex, and that the memories of this story no longer make her suffer. 

This may be all the more important if this previous story has lasted for many years. It can then be normal to suffer from fear of commitment.

A difficult love story

If the person you want to date is afraid to commit, it may also be because their previous relationship didn’t go well. 

She could be in a relationship with a particularly authoritarian person, who prevented her from doing what she wanted on a daily basis.

It could also be that she was cheated on by her ex-partner. Thus, this person lacks confidence, they may think that romantic relationships are doomed, and they are afraid of suffering again by starting a new love affair. You will need to help him overcome his fear of commitment.

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Too much pressure from the partner

In other cases, it is possible that the fear of commitment is related to an overly oppressive partner. You’ve only known each other for a few days, and yet this person would already like to settle down with you?

She wants you to introduce her to your parents when you are not yet sure how you feel? 

This person will have to realize that they are only adding pressure that is not necessary to your story, and which could on the contrary have a negative impact on it. Your relationship should be able to evolve naturally, at its own pace.

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A long celibacy

In people who have been single for years, the thought of forming a relationship and engaging in a love affair can also create some fear. It’s simple, you have your habits, you have lived alone for years, your daily life satisfies you as well, and even if you have feelings for that other person, it can be difficult to put aside your habits. last.

You don’t want your life to change, and making room for someone new is difficult for you. This person should reassure you by showing you that they will not put an end to your freedoms, and that they will not change your habits. It might take you some time.

A divorced person with dependent children

If the person you are in a relationship is having trouble committing, it could also be because they are divorced and have children to support them. 

Thus, she is afraid of taking the risk of getting into a relationship with another person, she keeps the memory of her divorce, and she wants to protect her children from a new relationship which could also end badly.

This person should take the time they need to be fully reassured before embarking on a new relationship. This can take a long time, depending on that person’s history as well as their family. 

You will therefore have to be patient if you care about her, and if you believe in your relationship with this person, despite the difficulties that she may experience.

Something is wrong with the couple

If you don’t have much commitment, it might just be because something is wrong with your relationship. You don’t want to admit it to yourself, but not everything is going the way you would like it to be.

You might like this person, and you have a good time together, but deep down inside you know that it is not about true love. So, you don’t want to get involved in this story, which in the end is not what you are looking for in a love story.

If the other person you’re in a relationship with wants to engage, but you’re afraid of the engagement because your feelings for them aren’t strong enough, you should make sure to talk to them about it. In this way, you will be able to avoid making this person suffer for longer.

How to react to reduce the fear of commitment?

Even if you are in a relationship with someone who suffers from fear of commitment, there are various tips that can help you reassure them, to teach them to let go in your love affair. 

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Little by little, you can help him fight his fear, so that your relationship can take a new turn.

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And if, despite your efforts, nothing seems to change, tell yourself that the reason might be hiding elsewhere, and that it might be good to end your relationship.

Here are the different ways of reacting to the fear of commitment:

How to react to the fear of commitment: reassure this person about their fears

This person might just need to be reassured about their fears. If in her previous story, she suffered the infidelities of her companion, you will have to show her that you are different. You are a serious and loyal person, you do not intend to cheat on her, and this is not your way of living in a romantic relationship.

This person’s fear could also be linked to the idea that they will have to put aside their personal plans and habits for yours. Even if you are in a relationship, you should remind her that you are above all two independent people. 

You will therefore retain your freedom to act, and forming a couple does not mean losing this independence. This should allow you to reassure her.

How to react to fear of commitment: show him that you have all your time

Is this person not ready to settle down with you yet, or for any other such step? You should give him some time. Either way, if you like her, you should be able to let her come to you at her own pace. 

It shows that you respect that person, and that you like them enough that you choose to wait for them.

This way, you can reassure her and make her understand that she is free to come to you whenever she wants, when she feels ready. You are not there to rush her or to force her.

It is a beautiful declaration of love to tell her that you will be waiting for her.

Do not issue ultimatums

Are you fed up with her fear of commitment, and want her to make a decision? It can be tempting to give an ultimatum, asking it to choose between committing and continuing the relationship with you or ending it all. It might not change your story, on the contrary!

By posing such an ultimatum, that person who is afraid of commitment might feel even more under pressure. As a result, she might get scared, and move further away from you.

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You should make him understand that this situation is weighing on you, without putting pressure on him by asking him to make a choice.

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How to react to the fear of commitment: step away for a while

So that this person can gain confidence in themselves and in their desire to continue this affair with you, it is sometimes good to move away for a while. 

Take back your life on your own, your activities, and take advantage of these moments alone to ask yourself the right questions.

If they really like you, chances are they will feel a lack when you walk away. As a result, it might give her the confidence she needed to grow alongside you. 

You can therefore reform a strong couple, leaving this fear of commitment behind you.

Change your mind without thinking about your commitment

Are you obsessed with having a baby or settling down with your loved one, but they’re afraid to take that step? It is not always easy, but it is often best to distance yourself from your problems.

Why not go on a trip together? 

A vacation will allow you to relax together, to enjoy the times you have together without asking questions about your future. You will be able to recharge your batteries, and probably even get closer.

Of course, doing this could make your partner want to overcome their fear of commitment.

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